I am sitting on a rock all alone. The moon or the stars aren’t there and it is so dark. The rock I am sitting on is beside the village well, and I am scared of the strange noises coming from within.
The giant clock on the village square chimed eleven times. It would be 9th January in an hour. I would be eleven years old. I shiver in my short frock. Tomorrow will be a day like everyday. I will get up at dawn and I will try my best to be a good girl.
Everyone says that a girl’s birthday is the most special day in the year for her. She wears a new frock and cuts a star-shaped cake. She gets beautiful dolls to play with that she’s allowed to break. She is allowed to eat sweets even if her teeth rot. She invites everyone to her “birthday party”.
I have never been to one, nor had one myself. Bad girls did not have birthday parties. I asked Mama once why I couldn’t have a birthday party. She said,” Because we are poor people and we can’t waste money on stupid things. You ungrateful cursed girl! We waste so much money for you and you want a birthday party! Useless brat!” She had to hit me with a steel tumbler, poor Mama, to correct my mistake, and my head went black where it hit. I felt ashamed of my greediness, and promised God never to have a birthday party in my life. My four little brothers were good boys, unlike me, and they always had their birthday parties.
Mama told me the truth ever since I was born. She was a great lady that way. She told me that I was the daughter of the devil, sent to her by God to correct my evil ways. She said I was a great burden to my family, I was eating up all the money my family had. God was angry at me because of my selfish behaviour. She tried her best to change me- she woke me up at 4 am and made me collect sticks for the chulha. On her orders I would clean the house in the morning. I assisted her in the kitchen. I would bring water from the well. I had been schooled up to the age of 6, since Baba had insisted so badly. Then after he went to a city called Heaven to work for God (my Grandma had cried a lot while explaining that to me), Mama decided that I should never go back to school. The money saved that way would be used for better things. She would often take my rice and give it to my little brothers and pet goat Meena. She never gave me new clothes or toys, as I did not deserve any. I believed in my Mama’s efforts- I vowed to change myself too. I wanted to be my Mama’s daughter and not some devil’s.
However hard I tried, I was still selfish and committed sins. My hands were little, curse them, and I would often break the jars and cups while cleaning them. I would break pots and drop buckets and spill water. I left cobwebs in corners while cleaning. I still could not know how to cook and give my Mama some rest. I never brought home enough firewood. I still ate too much. I had cried a lot when Mama had killed Meena and sold her meat. When she would hit me, despite my best efforts, I would scream.
Each time, my Mama would correct me. She cleansed me- she would hit me with a rod again and again, then make me stand beside the village well till dusk without food. When I would come in, she would tell me I was going to be a whore(it is something that horrifies all village women) when I would grow up and be a good-for-nothing blood sucking parasite for my brothers. I would be married to a bad husband who would beat me up and have no children. All the time I would beg my brothers for money and food and clothes. My future would never change until I changed. Every time I vowed to be good.
But I still committed mistakes. Like today in the evening, I felt hungry and went to the kitchen to get biscuits. Mama caught me in my wrongdoing.
She slapped me hard, again and again till my cheeks went red. “You rotten little bitch, how dare you come into the kitchen without my permission! You just want to eat up everything, don’t you, you glutton, and then one day you will eat me up and my sons up and then this house!! Get out of this house! GET OUT! Don’t come into this house till I say so!”
And so I am sitting on this rock. I hope for another chance. I pray- please God, please help me in my efforts. It is so cold, I can’t stop shivering, and Raju Chacha next door saw me here and asked me to come inside before. But it is a sin to be a selfish burden on anyone. I want to be a good girl, and good girls are obedient. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE NEXT DAY saw a large crowd of people beside the well. All of them encircled the girl’s cold, lifeless barely-clad body lying on the huge rock. Big or small, fair or dark, they all had the expression of muted horror on their faces.
The mother of the girl in question stood on her balcony facing the girl. “Huh! Good riddance to bad rubbish! Although, even for her death, I have to pay the expenses! What a pain!!”
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